allbedestroyed | A black tie adventure with doesntsing

"Wonderful, wonderful!" John is all smiles in greeting Midge, pausing only to flag down one of the waiters so that he can pass both of them a drink. "Maybe you can help Robert blow his own trumpet. He's never been very good at showing off, but that's why he's here today."

Muldoon opens his mouth to protest (mostly to stop the conversation being focused on him), but John ignores him and presses on. "Did you see the Sunday Times article on him? What was it they said? Ah! Yes! 'What Robert Trent Jones is to gold courses, Robert Muldoon is to zoos'. Really very impressive."

Impressive or not, Muldoon is putting all his effort into trying not to cringe. It's not helped by John turning to Muldoon and adding, "There are some people I'd like you to talk to. You wait here while I find them."

It's an order, not a question, so he doesn't wait for an answer before he heads off.

Muldoon frowns down at the bubbling drink and sighs. "This isn't going to be strong enough."

“I’ll try my best,” Midge replies. The problem is that she doesn’t know about all of Robert’s accomplishments. He pretty famously doesn’t like talking about himself. “I didn’t,” she says regarding the newspaper article and turning to look at Robert, who looks like he just wants to sink through the expensive carpet.

Hammond hurries off and Midge sips her champagne. “You’re a zoo design maverick,” she says, a note of wonder in her voice.

He’s right about the champagne though. Thankfully, there’s a bar. Midge catches one of the waiters as he walks by.

“Say, would you be able to get us a martini and…” Midge glances back at Robert and makes an educated guess. “A whiskey, please?”

The guess is right on the nose, and Muldoon relaxes at the very mention of it. He nods. "A whiskey would be great."

As the waiter heads off to get them proper drinks, Muldoon nods again to Midge's statement. "I'm a wildlife consultant. I design enclosures and habitats and try to make sure both humans and animals are happy. But I'm much better at dealing with the animals..."

He trails off as he spots a couple of older gentlemen heading their way. The champagne is downed, since that's all he has to work with. Soon enough there are hands being offered and the night begins in earnest.

"Good evening. I'm James Dixon, this is Dax Gilbert and Mason Bennett. You're Hammond's man, aren't you?" One of them starts. Muldoon only gets so far as to answer in the affirmative before the attention is switched to Midge. "And who is this beautiful thing? You're definitely not one of Hammond's."

Midge doesn’t get a chance to ask him more about that before Robert is downing his drink and the bigwigs are approaching.

They’re introduced and Midge shakes their hands, knowing that she won’t remember any of their names.

“I’m not,” she confirms with a dazzling smile. “I’m Midge.”

“Is this your kid sister, Muldoon?” Asks one of the guys, making the other two laugh. “Is she joining us for the negotiations?”

The three men look from Robert to Midge trying to figure out what they are to each other. Surely they’re not a couple?

Muldoon opens his mouth to answer, probably with something far less witty than the occasion calls for, but he's interrupted again.

"Definitely not his sister," another pipes up. "Unless she got all the good looks!"

That gets a laugh out of his friends who are certainly enjoying this game. The third man, buoyed by the others, chimes in with the faux scolding of, "Now, now. Don't make assumptions. He probably just met her in the foyer. You're not hogging her all to yourself, are you Muldoon?"

"No, I-."

And again gets interrupted with chuckling and a, "Of course not. Good man."

Midge wrinkles her nose, because these guys are more disgusting than she expected them to be and they’re treating Robert awfully. He can’t even get a word in. She makes a split second decision, the consequences of which she does not think all the way through.

“He’s my boyfriend!” In the silence that follows, Midge composes herself and rephrases. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks.” The hand that’s on his elbow moves discreetly down to slip into his.

The men are absolutely stunned, which is the response that Midge was hoping for. They’ve finally shut up.

“Did you want to say something, darling?” she asks, turning to Robert.

Muldoon's head swivels to join in on looking at Midge in surprise. He's quick to school it into a more neutral expression when she elaborates on her bluff. It is, however, difficult to form words when she turns the attention back onto him.

"Yes," though he has no idea what. He has to think up something quickly. "We've been going out for a few weeks now, and they've been wonderful." Finding his feet again, he turns his attention back to the other man. "I was hoping to show her the nicer side of my work tonight."

Finally the waiter reappears with their drinks and Muldoon seizes onto it. "Ah, here we are. We can start the night properly now."

It took him a second, but he improvised wonderfully. She grins, trying to look adoring, though she really is proud of him for not completely freezing.

“And what a nice side it is,” she agrees, mostly playing it up for the jerks they need money from. “Far cleaner, I’m sure.”

When the drinks come, Midge is just as grateful as Robert is. They swap out their champagne glasses and Midge takes a swig of her martini.

“I have to say, Muldoon, I didn’t think you were capable of pulling this caliber of woman,” says Dixon. The jerks look impressed, but also suspicious. “I hope that you and your… girlfriend will have a lovely evening before we discuss how much money we’re going to give to your wonderful organization. Pleasure before business tonight, right?”

If he wasn't trying to get back at them, Muldoon would be inclined to agree. Midge is much younger, prettier, and sophisticated than he would expect to go out with, but they don't need to know that.

"I'm going to make sure she does," he answers in complete and utter honesty. He already owes Midge and they've only just stepped in through the door. "She deserves the best."

Spotting the barest glimpse of his boss, Muldoon takes the inspiration for a getaway. "If you'll excuse us, I think John is looking to make some introductions." He gives a polite nod before putting his hand on Midge's back to help guide her away.

Once they're a safe distance, he leans in as surreptitiously as possible to mutter a quiet, "Thank you."

Midge is expecting that he’s about to let her have it, so hearing him thank her is a surprise. Apparently her little stunt didn’t make him angry.

They stop a few feet from where Hammond is in conversation with someone else and Midge reaches up to straighten Robert’s bow tie - something that doesn’t need to be done but can be interpreted as an intimate gesture.

“They don’t believe us,” Midge says. “They think we’re lying or that you paid me or something. We’re going to have to make them believe that we’re actually dating.”

Before he can protest, Midge puts her hand on his chest. “Men like that think that their money can buy them whatever they want. One of them’s probably going to try to buy me tonight. I’m predicting the weaselly looking one. They’re probably already on second wives that are younger than me and have mistresses the same age. You’re not going to be able to appeal to any sort of love of animals they have. But if they think you’re like them, they’ll at least respect you enough to open their wallets.”

From Muldoon's perspective she'd just gotten him out of a little embarrassment. It's not until suddenly she's touching him and explaining things to him that he starts to realise that this isn't a one-conversation solution.

She even predicts his impending protest, placing her hand on his chest and reading out the behaviours of their prior company with the same ease and confidence he does a pack of hyenas. It's impressive, both the knowledge and the calmness with which she suggests they might try to buy her. That might be a problem. He would probably do something ill advised if someone insulted her like that.

Muldoon looks from her to the men and back again, blinking a little. After a second to take it all in, he focuses on her and offers, "We could leave? I won't have them being rude to you, and the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable."

“No,” she says with a shake of her head. “Your boss wants you here because he thinks you can be helpful. We can’t leave until those guys decide how much money they’re going to give you. It’s very gallant of you to be concerned about me, but don’t be. Trust me. I can handle them.”

Midge looks up to find Hammond staring at them. She takes her hand off of Robert’s chest.

"I don't mean to interrupt," John says with a smile.

Muldoon shakes his head, hoping he isn't going red around the ears. "No, it's fine."

"I just wanted to introduce you to a few friends of mine..."

Hammond pulls them neatly into a conversation with a small crowd of older men and their wives. Being the skilled salesman he is, John smoothly gets Muldoon talking about the complexities of making enclosures for animals that suit a constant stream of visitors. It's clear the two of them have worked together for a while. John can both pull the normally quiet man into a sharing his work in decent detail, while neatly rounding off anything that might veer into the dull.

It's after an explanation of building a park to help with the conservation of tigers that one of the wives starts to look a little glassy eyed. Taking the initiative, she turns the conversation onto something she deems more interesting.

"You mustn't stay in one place for more than two minutes!" Looking at Midge curiously she asks, "How did you two meet?"

These men, at least, don’t seem as nasty as the other ones. Midge keeps her hand on Robert’s arm and mostly stays silent, especially after Robert starts talking about his work. It’s clear that he feels great passion for it and Midge smiles a bit to hear him speak so much.

It’s an abrupt change of topic, but Midge adjusts quickly. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to make up a story for this. “It’s funny that you mention tigers,” she says. “I was at the Bronx Zoo with my son and we were at the tiger enclosure and we happened to strike up a conversation with a guy there.” She points to Robert. “My son likes tigers and Robert started telling him about how natural enclosures are better for the animals because it simulates what it’s like for them in the wild. My son is 5, so I don’t think he understood much about enclosures. He just wanted to pet the big kitty cat. After that, Robert and I talked a bit more and I saw that he had a badge. I thought he was an employee, but he said that he was a consultant visiting the zoo since it’s one of the most advanced ones in the country. He also said that we missed feeding time and should come back the next day at 10:00 if we wanted to see that.” Midge shrugs. “So we did. And we exchanged numbers.”

Edited 2024-12-24 00:36 (UTC)

One of the men is immediately wavering between sceptical and impressed. "You wooed a woman as beautiful as that by talking about animal enclosures?"

"I think it was talking about the animals themselves that got her attention." Though Muldoon glances at Midge to confirm if that's the case.

The man remains unconvinced. "Talking about animals? Not exactly the most exciting topic."

"I don't know," one of the wives pipes up, eyeing Muldoon thoughtfully. "There's something to be said about seeing a man get passionate about something."

This time it's Hammond who's about to start blushing, and he turns to Midge. "You have children? Just the one?"

The woman is right. Robert’s passion drew her interest. She didn’t know if it would turn into anything romantic - still doesn’t - but they had an easy conversation and she enjoyed his company. Midge invited him to come out to one of her shows, something he hasn’t done yet, but she isn’t taking that personally. He’s clearly an introvert and probably enjoys his quiet time in the evenings after work.

“Two,” she tells Hammond. “Ethan and Esther. She’s two. I’m divorced.” In case they’re wondering about the father of said children.

"It's hard to get a man when you already have children," laments one of the women in an attempt at sympathy.

"I've worked with children before," Muldoon blurts out to try and help their cover. He's not as smooth as Midge at lying like this. "I used to give talks at schools."

Eager to get onto a topic he prefers, one of the men asks, "Are you working, Miriam? In the same line of work as Robert here?"

“I’m a stand up comedian,” she says, waiting for the inevitable reaction of disbelief from people. Midge supposes that she is working, even if gigs are sporadic and one of her steady sources of income is being the hostess of the show at a burlesque club. (Her clothing stays on.)

“Wait… I think I’ve seen you before,” one of the men says. “Mrs. Maisel, right?”

“That’s me,” Midge admits with a smile. Her stage name will always be a tribute to her ex-husband, whether she likes it or not.

“Hey, you’re pretty funny,” the man continues. “And uh… uncensored.”

“Until the cops show up,” Midge says, laughing to make a joke of it when it’s not a joke at all. She’s been arrested for obscenity twice.

There is indeed some disbelief, Hammond is the first to voice his surprise. "A comedian? And you're dating Robert?" To be fair, it's a reasonable thing to be surprised about. The man so rarely smiles, never mind laughs. "Well I suppose if anyone is going to make him laugh it would be a professional."

"We should go to one of your shows sometime soon," one of the wives pipes up. The 'uncensored' comment has her eyeing the woman suspiciously, and it's hard to tell if that's an excited suggestion or a threat.

Evidently the men don't seem to have twigged. "That would be an eventful night out."

“Exactly,” she replies with a grin. “I have my work cut out for me.” Midge turns to Robert, just to make sure that he isn’t upset by the teasing, but he seems amused. It’s clear that he has a genuine affection for his boss. Midge puts her hand on his chest again briefly.

“I can leave some dates of my upcoming shows with Mr. Hammond,” she continues. Now she has to think of which ones are at suitable clubs and not dive bars or the strip joint. Susie did manage to get her some decent gigs recently, if Midge can remember when they are.

The conversation continues until eventually the two of them excuse themselves. Midge is glad to have Robert to herself again. “You did a good job,” she tells him. “Some people really do like hearing about your passion for animals.”

"I think they enjoyed talking to you more." Which is an honest assumption and one he wouldn't be surprised about either. Midge is a natural conversationalist.

After a healthy swig of his drink he feels the need to add, "I really didn't mean for you to be pretending to be my girlfriend all night." He looks at her with earnest gratitude then. "But I'm very glad you're here. I'd really much rather deal with lions and tigers. Yet you seem to know exactly what you're doing."

“It’s alright,” Midge says. “Maybe I don’t mind pretending.” It’s her first hint of real flirtation that she’s done with him all night. “Especially if it helps to seal whatever deal Hammond is trying to make. People can be like lions and tigers sometimes.”

Midge has to be able to read a room, otherwise her sets would flop every time. Sometimes she has to pivot in the middle of a set too, if a crowd isn’t responding to something like she thought they would.

“Maybe it’s the unpredictable nature of people that unnerves you.”

She puts her hand back in his as they walk slowly around the ballroom, just in case any eyes happen to be on them. And maybe she kind of likes holding his hand, just a little.

Unlike Midge, Muldoon doesn't have to be as good at wordplay. He's not sure what best to say back, but the fact that he goes a little red behind the ears should be sign enough that he hears the flirtatious undertone.

"Animals are unpredictable," he points out, because that much he does know. "But at least they make sense when they do something unpredictable. People at these things never come out and say what they mean."

Looking at her he gestures with his free hand as he explains. "For example, you're beautiful, and exciting, and charismatic, and independent. But rather than say any of that, everyone else here would rather make jabs about us being together. It doesn't make sense! Anyone who talks to you for two minutes could tell you do what you want, so that's why you'd be with me. It's a terrible way to compliment you."

What he’s explaining is practical and makes sense, but Midge remains stuck on the way he describes her.

“Am I?” She asks, a smile playing at her lips. “Those things?”

A band is taking its place at the end of a makeshift dance floor and some of the couples in attendance shift over to it.

“Not a lot of people say what they mean, and there are different reasons for that,” Midge continues. “Some people see someone unconventional, like you, and think that it’s an opportunity to make themselves feel better about whatever faults they have.”

She pauses to sip her martini. “Someone like me being with someone like you doesn’t make sense to them because they’ve used money to get women to pay attention to them. If you don’t have money, why would we be together? There isn’t a lot of genuine affection in their world.”

He looks a little incredulous at the question. "Of course you are."

While her surprise might make no sense to him, the explanation of people tearing others down rings true. He tips his head in a shrug of agreement. That much he's seen plenty of, even if it's not usually in this context. Even women looking for men with money is familiar enough, but to this extent? Less so.

She's got him all thoughtful now, evening out his pace as he walks with her hand in his. He doesn't really register the band.

"I suppose if genuine affection got into their world it would wreak havoc. Love is probably the most unpredictable thing there is."

A black tie adventure with doesntsing

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