allbedestroyed | A black tie adventure with doesntsing

Midge is expecting that he’s about to let her have it, so hearing him thank her is a surprise. Apparently her little stunt didn’t make him angry.

They stop a few feet from where Hammond is in conversation with someone else and Midge reaches up to straighten Robert’s bow tie - something that doesn’t need to be done but can be interpreted as an intimate gesture.

“They don’t believe us,” Midge says. “They think we’re lying or that you paid me or something. We’re going to have to make them believe that we’re actually dating.”

Before he can protest, Midge puts her hand on his chest. “Men like that think that their money can buy them whatever they want. One of them’s probably going to try to buy me tonight. I’m predicting the weaselly looking one. They’re probably already on second wives that are younger than me and have mistresses the same age. You’re not going to be able to appeal to any sort of love of animals they have. But if they think you’re like them, they’ll at least respect you enough to open their wallets.”

From Muldoon's perspective she'd just gotten him out of a little embarrassment. It's not until suddenly she's touching him and explaining things to him that he starts to realise that this isn't a one-conversation solution.

She even predicts his impending protest, placing her hand on his chest and reading out the behaviours of their prior company with the same ease and confidence he does a pack of hyenas. It's impressive, both the knowledge and the calmness with which she suggests they might try to buy her. That might be a problem. He would probably do something ill advised if someone insulted her like that.

Muldoon looks from her to the men and back again, blinking a little. After a second to take it all in, he focuses on her and offers, "We could leave? I won't have them being rude to you, and the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable."

“No,” she says with a shake of her head. “Your boss wants you here because he thinks you can be helpful. We can’t leave until those guys decide how much money they’re going to give you. It’s very gallant of you to be concerned about me, but don’t be. Trust me. I can handle them.”

Midge looks up to find Hammond staring at them. She takes her hand off of Robert’s chest.

"I don't mean to interrupt," John says with a smile.

Muldoon shakes his head, hoping he isn't going red around the ears. "No, it's fine."

"I just wanted to introduce you to a few friends of mine..."

Hammond pulls them neatly into a conversation with a small crowd of older men and their wives. Being the skilled salesman he is, John smoothly gets Muldoon talking about the complexities of making enclosures for animals that suit a constant stream of visitors. It's clear the two of them have worked together for a while. John can both pull the normally quiet man into a sharing his work in decent detail, while neatly rounding off anything that might veer into the dull.

It's after an explanation of building a park to help with the conservation of tigers that one of the wives starts to look a little glassy eyed. Taking the initiative, she turns the conversation onto something she deems more interesting.

"You mustn't stay in one place for more than two minutes!" Looking at Midge curiously she asks, "How did you two meet?"

These men, at least, don’t seem as nasty as the other ones. Midge keeps her hand on Robert’s arm and mostly stays silent, especially after Robert starts talking about his work. It’s clear that he feels great passion for it and Midge smiles a bit to hear him speak so much.

It’s an abrupt change of topic, but Midge adjusts quickly. Fortunately, she doesn’t have to make up a story for this. “It’s funny that you mention tigers,” she says. “I was at the Bronx Zoo with my son and we were at the tiger enclosure and we happened to strike up a conversation with a guy there.” She points to Robert. “My son likes tigers and Robert started telling him about how natural enclosures are better for the animals because it simulates what it’s like for them in the wild. My son is 5, so I don’t think he understood much about enclosures. He just wanted to pet the big kitty cat. After that, Robert and I talked a bit more and I saw that he had a badge. I thought he was an employee, but he said that he was a consultant visiting the zoo since it’s one of the most advanced ones in the country. He also said that we missed feeding time and should come back the next day at 10:00 if we wanted to see that.” Midge shrugs. “So we did. And we exchanged numbers.”

Edited 2024-12-24 00:36 (UTC)

One of the men is immediately wavering between sceptical and impressed. "You wooed a woman as beautiful as that by talking about animal enclosures?"

"I think it was talking about the animals themselves that got her attention." Though Muldoon glances at Midge to confirm if that's the case.

The man remains unconvinced. "Talking about animals? Not exactly the most exciting topic."

"I don't know," one of the wives pipes up, eyeing Muldoon thoughtfully. "There's something to be said about seeing a man get passionate about something."

This time it's Hammond who's about to start blushing, and he turns to Midge. "You have children? Just the one?"

The woman is right. Robert’s passion drew her interest. She didn’t know if it would turn into anything romantic - still doesn’t - but they had an easy conversation and she enjoyed his company. Midge invited him to come out to one of her shows, something he hasn’t done yet, but she isn’t taking that personally. He’s clearly an introvert and probably enjoys his quiet time in the evenings after work.

“Two,” she tells Hammond. “Ethan and Esther. She’s two. I’m divorced.” In case they’re wondering about the father of said children.

"It's hard to get a man when you already have children," laments one of the women in an attempt at sympathy.

"I've worked with children before," Muldoon blurts out to try and help their cover. He's not as smooth as Midge at lying like this. "I used to give talks at schools."

Eager to get onto a topic he prefers, one of the men asks, "Are you working, Miriam? In the same line of work as Robert here?"

“I’m a stand up comedian,” she says, waiting for the inevitable reaction of disbelief from people. Midge supposes that she is working, even if gigs are sporadic and one of her steady sources of income is being the hostess of the show at a burlesque club. (Her clothing stays on.)

“Wait… I think I’ve seen you before,” one of the men says. “Mrs. Maisel, right?”

“That’s me,” Midge admits with a smile. Her stage name will always be a tribute to her ex-husband, whether she likes it or not.

“Hey, you’re pretty funny,” the man continues. “And uh… uncensored.”

“Until the cops show up,” Midge says, laughing to make a joke of it when it’s not a joke at all. She’s been arrested for obscenity twice.

There is indeed some disbelief, Hammond is the first to voice his surprise. "A comedian? And you're dating Robert?" To be fair, it's a reasonable thing to be surprised about. The man so rarely smiles, never mind laughs. "Well I suppose if anyone is going to make him laugh it would be a professional."

"We should go to one of your shows sometime soon," one of the wives pipes up. The 'uncensored' comment has her eyeing the woman suspiciously, and it's hard to tell if that's an excited suggestion or a threat.

Evidently the men don't seem to have twigged. "That would be an eventful night out."

“Exactly,” she replies with a grin. “I have my work cut out for me.” Midge turns to Robert, just to make sure that he isn’t upset by the teasing, but he seems amused. It’s clear that he has a genuine affection for his boss. Midge puts her hand on his chest again briefly.

“I can leave some dates of my upcoming shows with Mr. Hammond,” she continues. Now she has to think of which ones are at suitable clubs and not dive bars or the strip joint. Susie did manage to get her some decent gigs recently, if Midge can remember when they are.

The conversation continues until eventually the two of them excuse themselves. Midge is glad to have Robert to herself again. “You did a good job,” she tells him. “Some people really do like hearing about your passion for animals.”

"I think they enjoyed talking to you more." Which is an honest assumption and one he wouldn't be surprised about either. Midge is a natural conversationalist.

After a healthy swig of his drink he feels the need to add, "I really didn't mean for you to be pretending to be my girlfriend all night." He looks at her with earnest gratitude then. "But I'm very glad you're here. I'd really much rather deal with lions and tigers. Yet you seem to know exactly what you're doing."

“It’s alright,” Midge says. “Maybe I don’t mind pretending.” It’s her first hint of real flirtation that she’s done with him all night. “Especially if it helps to seal whatever deal Hammond is trying to make. People can be like lions and tigers sometimes.”

Midge has to be able to read a room, otherwise her sets would flop every time. Sometimes she has to pivot in the middle of a set too, if a crowd isn’t responding to something like she thought they would.

“Maybe it’s the unpredictable nature of people that unnerves you.”

She puts her hand back in his as they walk slowly around the ballroom, just in case any eyes happen to be on them. And maybe she kind of likes holding his hand, just a little.

Unlike Midge, Muldoon doesn't have to be as good at wordplay. He's not sure what best to say back, but the fact that he goes a little red behind the ears should be sign enough that he hears the flirtatious undertone.

"Animals are unpredictable," he points out, because that much he does know. "But at least they make sense when they do something unpredictable. People at these things never come out and say what they mean."

Looking at her he gestures with his free hand as he explains. "For example, you're beautiful, and exciting, and charismatic, and independent. But rather than say any of that, everyone else here would rather make jabs about us being together. It doesn't make sense! Anyone who talks to you for two minutes could tell you do what you want, so that's why you'd be with me. It's a terrible way to compliment you."

What he’s explaining is practical and makes sense, but Midge remains stuck on the way he describes her.

“Am I?” She asks, a smile playing at her lips. “Those things?”

A band is taking its place at the end of a makeshift dance floor and some of the couples in attendance shift over to it.

“Not a lot of people say what they mean, and there are different reasons for that,” Midge continues. “Some people see someone unconventional, like you, and think that it’s an opportunity to make themselves feel better about whatever faults they have.”

She pauses to sip her martini. “Someone like me being with someone like you doesn’t make sense to them because they’ve used money to get women to pay attention to them. If you don’t have money, why would we be together? There isn’t a lot of genuine affection in their world.”

He looks a little incredulous at the question. "Of course you are."

While her surprise might make no sense to him, the explanation of people tearing others down rings true. He tips his head in a shrug of agreement. That much he's seen plenty of, even if it's not usually in this context. Even women looking for men with money is familiar enough, but to this extent? Less so.

She's got him all thoughtful now, evening out his pace as he walks with her hand in his. He doesn't really register the band.

"I suppose if genuine affection got into their world it would wreak havoc. Love is probably the most unpredictable thing there is."

It’s one thing to hear people give you compliments, but another when it comes from someone like Robert, who doesn’t just say things to flatter people. “Thank you,” Midge replies, her cheeks turning pink.

“Love is very unpredictable,” she agrees. Midge wonders if he’s ever been in love before.

They leave the ballroom and enter an atrium that serves as a sort of greenhouse with a number of plants and trees lining the walkways. A place like this might make Robert feel more comfortable, even if there are no animals.

“Would you like to sit?” She asks, pointing to a pair of comfortable chairs. There are a few people milling around, but they’re away from the crowd of the party now.

"Sure," is the easy answer. Really he could stand all night, but she's the one wearing heels. If she wants to sit, he's not going to stop her.

Muldoon lets Midge sit first before following, being careful not to sit on her dress. It's really very pretty and he doesn't want to ruin it. That would be a poor way of thanking her for coming along.

The atrium is a much more peaceful place, and it gets a sigh out of him. "You've been to this sort of thing before? Voluntarily?"

They’re seated together on a bench, close, though not close enough to be touching. She appreciates that he’s taking care with her dress, considering that it’s Dior. Not that that probably means anything to him.

“I have,” she confirms, biting her lip a little so as to keep a straight face. “Voluntarily.”

Poor thing. He seems miserable. Midge hopes that she’s able to at least bring some joy to him tonight.

“You go into cages with lions voluntarily,” she says teasingly.

That means nothing to him, but then it could be home made and he'd still be careful.

"Yes, but I can punch a lion in the jaw if he gets too cocky," he points out in a mumble. "You go somewhere where someone insults you to your face and you have to smile." Tilting his head at her he reiterates, "Voluntarily."

Midge’s martini glass stops halfway to her mouth.

“Have you punched a lion before?” Midge asks incredulously. He’s not the type of man to joke about something if hasn’t done it or wouldn’t do it.

“Yes,” she confirms. “I can’t punch them in the face, but I can insult them subtly. Or tell them to fuck off if they don’t get the message.”

Midge isn’t sure if she’s used that kind of language around him before. Surely the words themselves won’t shock him, but he may be shocked to hear them coming out of her.

The image of Midge telling someone outright to fuck off does get a smile out of him. He's been around women who've cursed before, but she manages to make it sound a lot sharper, even when not directing it at him (and that fact is the only reason he lets himself smile).

"I wouldn't mind seeing that. To get tips, of course." Then he can hide his smile behind a sip of his drink.

"And yes, I have punched a lion before. But I generally try not to let things get that close."

“Of course.”

She likes getting smiles out of him. Maybe eventually she’ll get a laugh.

Meanwhile, the fact that he’s punched a lion is really doing something for her. There are men and then there are men. And he does it without being a hypermasculine idiot. Can anyone really wonder why a woman might be attracted to a man like that? Midge feels her pulse pick up and a longing begin to form deep inside of her.

“I’m sure you only would do it as a last resort,” she says. “You carry a gun too, right?”

"Well the lion was trying to maul my friend so I feel it was justified." He can joke too, even if it is a lot drier than most people prefer. It's the British streak in him.

The question about the gun gets a bemused sort of smile. "Yes, I carry a gun. Usually a pistol just in case, or a rifle as well if things are more dangerous..." Then he has to know, "Why do you ask?"

Midge enjoys a dry sense of humor. “That does seem impolite, so yes, you were justified.” British humor is lovely.

She shrugs. “Just making sure that you’re staying safe out there,” she replies. “I’m sure that’s a last resort as well.”

Despite being an American, she’s not enamored by men with guns, though the idea of Robert carrying one around is also attractive to her. She’s probably making it a lot more romantic in her mind than it actually is. They can blame Hollywood for that.

A black tie adventure with doesntsing

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